Dark Cloud

I feel bad I haven't updated my blog in awhile. It has been too painful to even express in any outward way my grief these days. I have muddled through by keeping myself distracted by our kitchen renovation, planning Roslyn's birthday party, my mom and brother's upcoming visit, work, and the mundane realities of everyday life. But Natalie remains my first thought when I wake and my last thought when I go to sleep. I still cry myself to sleep. Last night was particularly bad. It is impossible to put into words how much I miss her, the horror of losing her, the incredible longing and yearning for her. It has been too much for me to handle so I distract myself. But even then it is always there, a constant, ominous cloud of sadness.

I want to post another Natalie picture because she is just so beautiful. Look at those gorgeous eyes. The lost promise, the lost joy of seeing her grow up... It is beyond words.