Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Natalie's birthday

July 29 is Natalie's birthday. She would have been 5. We should be celebrating, but instead we cry. I miss her so much, it hurts beyond words. I think of her every day, but it has become so incredibly painful that I often have to push the thoughts of her from my mind. Usually when I do let myself really think of her, it's when I'm nursing Gabriel. And I often end up bawling my eyes out. Gabriel has triggered my grief in ways I could never have predicted. I am so in love with him and so grateful he is here, but at times, it is all very confusing.

Here's Natalie on her 1st (and only) birthday with blueberry cake all over her. Tomorrow we will eat blueberries and we will cry and we will remember and we will smile. I love you Natalie. Happy Birthday, sweet girl.