February 7th

February 7th. Roslyn's birthday (2003) and the day Natalie had her febrile seizure (2007). I celebrate this day, the day my first baby girl was born, but I can't help thinking also of that scary day three years ago when Natalie suddenly started convulsing in my arms, I called 911, and we took her to the hospital in an ambulance. The doctors said she was OK and that it wasn't anything to worry about (it was "common"). At the time, I believed what the doctors told me, but now I have this nagging feeling that it was a first clue that something was wrong -- and nearly six weeks later, she was gone. A week following her seizure, February 14, Natalie had her 18-month check-up. Again, the doctor gave her two big thumbs up. She was healthy, strong, in the 90th percentile. Solid as a rock. Yet, five weeks later, she was gone. I don't know if I will ever be able to reconcile these facts. It just doesn't make sense and I don't think it ever will.

But February 7th is Roslyn's birthday and we are so happy and so grateful she was born and that she is still here to celebrate her birthday. The coincidence of Natalie's febrile seizure is just a coincidence and I try not to let it cloud the joy and celebration of Roslyn's big day. We had a fabulous party and a wonderful time -- all worthy of our big girl who is now 7. Happy Birthday, Roslyn. I love you.