Tonight, not more than five minutes after I tucked Roslyn into bed, she came back downstairs in tears, arms outstretched for me. I thought she had hurt herself, but when she was finally able to tell me what was wrong, she just said, "I miss her..." I instantly knew she was talking about Natalie. I hugged her tight and we went back to bed and she proceeded to cry and cry as long as she needed. I just held her close and did my best to comfort her. After awhile, I asked her if she could think of any happy memories of Natalie and she said she was too young to remember (she had just turned 4). And I realized that as she continues to grow up, Roslyn continues to lose Natalie. Just as we all miss having her with us as a vibrant member of our family, Roslyn continues to miss having her sister, who would now be in second grade, ready to turn 8 this July, a constant companion, a best friend.
I am so sorry, dear Roslyn, that you must endure the pain of losing your precious little sister.
I am so sorry, dear Natalie, that you didn't get to grow up and continue living your beautiful life.
I am so sorry, dear Gabriel, that you will only know about Natalie through pictures and stories, but I know you love her, too.
I love you all soooooo much!
Mommy
4 comments:
So touching and raw, thank you for sharing dear girl.. this grief is going on, and your little daughter is right to tell you how she misses Natalie, it will take a lot more time, for the ache to fade just a little, in the meantime you are doing a fabulous job of caring for your darlings.. I hope that you can find some solace in the fact that they knew her a little and know you loved her a lot.. hugs from across the pond, janzi
Beth,
Thank you for posting such beautiful pictures - It is always a joy to look at them. Natalie has one of the sweetest faces I have ever come across. Who could resist those big beautiful eyes and cheeky dimples! When I first saw her pictures and read her story (almost 2 years ago I believe), I couldn't help but smile through the tears. Her smile was and still is, simply infectious!
I'm so sorry to hear of Roslyn's grief.. It's absolutely heartbreaking. :( Reading your recount brought tears to my eyes and a sadness to my heart that I cannot articulate. I'm so sorry not only for the loss of your beautiful Natalie, but for the lost hopes and dreams you had for your two lovely girls and those that are being felt by Roslyn.
Please remember that the five of you are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Sending you A LOT of love,
Lina
xxxx
Beth,
Thank you for posting such beautiful pictures - It is always a joy to look at them. Natalie has one of the sweetest faces I have ever come across. Who could resist those big beautiful eyes and cheeky dimples! When I first saw her pictures and read her story (almost 2 years ago I believe), I couldn't help but smile through the tears. Her smile was and still is, simply infectious!
I'm so sorry to hear of Roslyn's grief.. It's absolutely heartbreaking. :( Reading your recount brought tears to my eyes and a sadness to my heart that I cannot articulate. I'm so sorry not only for the loss of your beautiful Natalie, but for the lost hopes and dreams you had for your two lovely girls and those that are being felt by Roslyn.
Please remember that the five of you are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Sending you A LOT of love,
Lina
xxxx
Thank you both, Janzi and Lina for your kind and loving words. Lina I remember you from a couple of years ago and it nice to hear from you again! Roslyn's recent bout of grief is making me all the more aware of the fact that as she gets older and processes the loss, it will probably just get harder for her. I remember when it first happened when she was four, she really didn't seem to get it. At Natalie's memorial service, people kept coming up to her and saying "I'm sorry about your sister, you must be so sad..." And Roslyn would reply, "I'm not sad, I'm happy!" At the time, it hurt me but I also understood that she really had no idea what it all meant or what she was really saying. Now that she's 10, she's starting to feel it, really feel it. And it is heartbreaking. All over again.
Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts.
Beth
Post a Comment