Relief

It was a long night last night. Gabriel's Angelcare monitor went off for the first time (we've only had it for a few days). Thankfully, the Snuza monitor didn't go off, which means Gabriel did not stop breathing; he had just scooched himself to the far end of the crib. Nevertheless, it was enough to cause Chris and I to worry as we futzed with the equipment at 3:28 in the morning. I don't think either of us got much sleep.

But what relief to wake up this morning and hear that "tic" sound on the monitor, which signals there is movement - Gabriel is still breathing. Oh, thank goodness! We made it through this first anniversary with Gabriel and he is OK. It may seem silly to think something bad would happen on this day again, but nobody ever said grief was rational.

Now, I'm heading out to sit in Natalie's garden while the sun is still shining there. Maybe even clear out some old dead leaves and stuff. I miss my baby girl.

Heading now into our fifth year without my precious girl.